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2010 NFL Mock Draft, TLC Style

1. ST. LOUIS RAMS - Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma: Meh. I guess it’s a more hopeful option than Boller.

2. DETROIT LIONSNdamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska: The Lions make their SECOND defensive first round pick in a decade…A DECADE. If Detroit didn’t have the Red Wings and Faygo brand soft drinks, I’d feel really sorry for them.

3. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERSGerald McCoy, DT, Oklahoma: These first four picks fall so naturally as far as neat solutions to messy problems that’s it’s tough to see them going any other way…

4. WASHINGTON REDSKINSRussell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State:…unless, of course, one of those teams is the Redskins. If they don’t Snyder this up, the pick will be Okung. Whether Redskins fans know it or not, the Skins clipped the Eagles’ wings and brought parity to the division with the McNabb acquisition. And it only makes sense to protect your antiques with a big fat insurance policy. If the situation presents itself, I’d trade down with the Bills who move up for Clausen allowing the Skins to collect picks to further bolster the O-line. (Possible Daniel Snyder wackiness: Jimmy Clausen or Eric Berry.)

5. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS Eric Berry, S, Tennessee: I believe the hype, but I’m sick of the Ed Reed comparisons. Great safeties play on great defenses, because a safety is only as good as the rest of the defense. Ed Reed wouldn’t be Ed Reed without his supporting cast. Eric Berry will be a great player on a bad defense. The funny thing is, Ed Reed MADE this pick happen. He helped foster this new myth that you can build a defense around a safety. This myth will cause the Chiefs to take Berry here and sadly his talents will wither and die back there in a KC defense that has much more pressing needs than safety.

6. SEATTLE SEAHAWKSJimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame: Jimmy Clausen will have a better pro-career than Sam Bradford. I can abso-fucking-lutely guarantee that because I have abso-fucking-lutely no reputation to risk. Thankfully for Seattle, the seemingly endless Hassel-blech (tip of the hat to Mad) era ends here. Whitehurst isn’t the answer either and they know this.

7. CLEVELAND BROWNSTrent Williams, OT, Oklahoma: Williams over Bulaga simply because Williams will be more comfy playing on the right side opposite Joe Thomas. He’ll join Alex Mack on an O-line will contain 3 1st round picks.

8. OAKLAND RAIDERSBryan Bulaga, OT, Iowa: This seems way too pragmatic for an Al Davis pick, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt for some reason. It would be more characteristic if they traded this pick for Roethlisberger. With which the Steelers would choose Dez Bryant despite the ancient Greek man-boy relationship with Deion Sanders that got him suspended by the classically anti -NAMBLA prudes at the NCAA

9. BUFFALO BILLSBruce Campbell, OT, Maryland: Bruce “Ash” Campbell will protect Jason Campbell and give him the security he never had in DC. I’m gonna go ahead and predict that’s where the Skins ship him. If they don’t overpay, it would be a great move for the Bills.

10. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARSDan Williams, DT, Tennessee: Jags do the smart thing and wait for Tebow in the 2nd round. He’ll be there and will be rescued and over-paid as a glorified mascot for a floundering franchise.

11. DENVER BRONCOS - Dez Bryant, WR, Oklahoma State: Exit actual character issues in Brandon Marshall, enter media trumped-up character issues that will provide Orton a big, talented WR to over-throw.

12. MIAMI DOLPHINSRolando McClain, ILB, Alabama: Miami is a few players away from making the AFCE a thunderdome of SB contenders (Buffalo aside). With a smart, defense-heavy draft they will become scary.

13. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERSJoe Haden, CB, Florida: The best CB in the draft drops in the Niners’ lap. No chance Haden gets past 13.

14. SEATTLE SEAHAWKSCJ Spiller, RB, Clemson: Spiller AND Clausen?! The 2010 season suddenly becomes at least interesting for Seattle.

15. NEW YORK GIANTSBrandon Graham, DE/OLB, Michigan: The Giants defense looked very un-Giants defense-like last year. It needs a big Band-Aid brand adhesive strip in the form of this active, versatile playmaker.

16. TENNESSEE TITANSMaurkice Pouncey, C, Florida: Exit 8x Pro Bowler, Cobra Kai leg-sweeper and unfrozen caveman locker-room lawyer Kevin Mawae, enter this guy.

17. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERSEarl Thomas, S, Texas: Niners add another solid piece to the secondary and become contenders in the now (with the departure of Kurt Warner) wacky, wonderful, wide-open NFC West.

18. PITTSBURGH STEELERSDemaryius Thomas, WR, Georgia Tech: Santonio Holmes goes to NY for a 5th round pick in an act of transubstantiation by Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum. Instead of replacing him with fellow smurf Golden Tate, they get a rangy, big play threat in Thomas.

19. ATLANTA FALCONSDerrick Morgan, DE, Georgia Tech: Nice bookend to aging never-was, John Abraham. If he didn’t declare early, he’d be a top 10 pick next year.

20. HOUSTON TEXANSRyan Mathews, RB, Fresno State: Texans go BPA here giving the Texans a Ghidorah-like backfield with Slaton and Moats.

21. CINCINNATI BENGALSJason Pierre-Paul, DE, South Florida: Bengals roll the dice on a boom or bust pass-rusher. A very enigmatic/Bengali pick since they should be going with TE Jermaine Gresham.

22. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTSJermaine Gresham, TE, Oklahoma: Total package TE who is already better than Ben Watson and Chris Baker smushed together. It’s annoying that a player this solid and risk-free falls to the Patriots.

23. GREEN BAY PACKERSSergio Kindle, DE/OLB, Texas: His various driving mishaps causes him to slip past the Pats to the Packers who also run a 3-4 scheme which is tailored to Kindle’s talents.

24. PHILADELPHIA EAGLESMike Iupati, OG, Idaho: These 24th and 25th picks could flip depending on what the Eagles do. Philly needs a CB but they also need a line to help the running game take some heat off of new scapegoat, QB Kevin Kolb. Iupati would provide that help.

25. BALTIMORE RAVENSKyle Wilson, CB, Boise State: CB is a glaring need for the Ravens and has been for a while. Inexplicably, they haven’t attempted to address CB through the draft since 2006 with Derrick Martin in the 6th rd. Enter yet another 1st rd NJ native, Kyle Wilson; a solid man-coverage CB who will only get better with time and coaching. And unlike Joe Flacco (who makes Pizza Hut less appealing, if that’s even possible), Wilson might be able to step in and provide a real boost to local marketing in the vein of Ray Rice (Carbiz) and Terrell Suggs (Pricebusters). I’m thinking being a cornerback ties in well with “coverage” which could possibly lead him to Bill’s Carpet Fair, Next Day Floor or possibly (long shot) Empire Today.

26. ARIZONA CARDINALSJerry Hughes, DE/OLB, TCU: Not all the bells and whistles scouts go crazy over, but Jerry Hughes likes to play football. He’s a diligent worker and team player who is faster on the field than he was at Pro Day workouts. He may turn out to have the most instant impact of all the many DE/OLB hybrids in the draft.

27. DALLAS COWBOYSAnthony Davis, OT, Rutgers: The draft class has OTs aplenty, five of which could go in the first round. With Flozell Adams getting on in years, the Cowboys take which ever of those tackles is left. Davis may slip because he has some fitness issue. OT Charles Brown of USC could be another option here.

28. SAN DIEGO CHARGERSJahvid Best, RB, California: A very poor man’s LT who had the ability in college to beat LBs to the outside, but that dog won’t hunt in the NFL, monsignor. The fact that he’s got injury issues might also cause him to slide. Best is more of a shiny accessory for a loaded team. Pragmatically, the Chargers look for RB Jonathan Dwyer in the 2nd, but with the loss of a marquee tailback, they need to sell jerseys so SD bites at Best.

29. NEW YORK JETSLinval Joseph, NT/DE, East Carolina: With the arrival of Santonio Holmes, the Jets can ignore Golden Tate. With the departure of Marques Douglas they go need here and make what some might consider a reach with a player who can fill Douglas’ spot as an end or be groomed to take over for the venerable Kris Jenkins at NT. Possibly Jarred Odrick here but the Jets go with Joseph because of his versatility.

30. MINNESOTA VIKINGSEverson Griffen, DE, USC: Project player who has the ability but hasn’t shown the consistent will to use it. Got into some dumb college kid trouble at school but, in addition to that, seems to lack motivation. One season wonder who could be a nice gamble for a team with no glaring holes.

31. INDIANAPOLIS COLTSJared Odrick, DT, Penn State: Perfect fit for a team that only gets more dangerous with this selection.

32. NEW ORLEANS SAINTSCarlos Dunlap, DE, Florida: His DUI and some question concerning his motivation causes him to fall. If they Saints can shape him up, this is a huge bargain.

18 comments to 2010 NFL Mock Draft, TLC Style

  • Who you gonna call?

    I must agree. Terrell Suggs is remarkably engaging in those Pricebusters spots.

    Don’t listen to the haters, TS.

  • dan the man

    Yay, football! Just in time, too.

    LOL @ Next Day Flooring.

    I won’t really question any pick the Ravens make – you can make an argument that they have a need in every position except QB, really.

  • sci

    Very solid, Chris. If the Skins still take Clausen even after grabbing McNabb I will puke, but we shall see. No chance they’ll take Eric Berry, in my opinion. There is a vague chance Detroit will take Okung, in which case Suh or McCoy would fall to the Skins. They would have a very tough choice in that scenario.

    Kyle Wilson would be extremely smart for the Ravens, if he’s there. They can resist drafting a WR now that they’ve got Boldin.

  • Mike R

    I bet whomever Ozzie and the gang take with the 1st round pick will be awesome. Some great players should come to our spot. Whether it’s Kyle Wilson, or i’ve heard Dan Williams(DT Tenn.) or Maurkice Pouncey(C Fla.) could possibly fall there. Also heard rumors that they could trade Gaither to the niners for the 13th pick. I would hope they only do that if one of those 3 guys will definitely be off the board by pick 25. But again, Ozzie is the man at this, so i’ll trust whatever moves they make.

  • Who you gonna call? wrote:

    I must agree. Terrell Suggs is remarkably engaging in those Pricebusters spots.
    Don’t listen to the haters, TS.

    why Pikkiboo gotta hate?! she mad cuz she lookn at tv and aint on it! wif her triffln azz :)

  • @ sci:
    Suh is the best player in the draft and arguably the player most ready to make an immediate impact.
    The ghosts of Matt Millen have been exorcised.
    Suh will NOT get past Detroit.

  • @ Mike R:
    Major shock if Dan Williams goes lower than 10. Pouncey is gone by 20. It was kinda loony having Kyle Wilson falling that far, but I was working on best-case-scenario. A slight reach and probably not BPA @ 25 would be CB Devin McCoutry out of Rutgers. If they don’t pick up Wilson or McCourty @ 25, look for Virginia CB Chris Cook in the 2nd.

  • Mike R

    @ Chris:

    I figured they would be gone. Jamison Hensley reported that he thinks we\’ll get Williams. But I too would be shocked to see him fall that far.

  • @ Mike R:

    Jamison Hensley drank too much of his namesake…Old Hensley’s Valu-Brand Durian Schnapps.

  • Doug

    I would love to get Kyle Wilson he is an absolute beast. Unfortunately corners are always of high priority in the draft and I don’t see it happening. Also something about Rob Gronkowski scares me, they say the Ravens like him but back surgery and never playing a full season doesn’t seem right.
    The Ravens have addressed the CB position since 2006, Lardarius Webb last year, which is another reason we need Wislon, kick returns until Webb gets back.

  • @ Doug:

    Duh, my fault. Forgot about Lard Webb. Gronkowski is way too big an “if” to take in the 2nd rd. The Ravens should look at another Mormon TE, Dennis Pitta from BYU. But with no 2rd or 4th round pick for the Ravens, he won’t be there in the 5th so they’d have to trade up a bit.

  • Big Ben's Motorcycle

    excited for the draft.

    in other news, how right was i (and a few others) about big ben being a piece of human detritus? there was just always something about that guy’s fucking face.

    to all the tribe called quest, let’s stay positive shall we people – more power to you.

    i just love watching evil things get destroyed.

    p.s. is i possible the curse of the bambino got transferred? serious question.

  • Big Ben's Motorcycle

    is i possible? is i?

  • If there were secrets do they need to be secrets?
    If a secret does not need to be a secret it will not be a secret anymore. I believe in secrets which is why I do not try to reveal them. Is this why magicians never reveal their tricks? Magicians’ tricks are their reality. Moreover, they are their tools to manufacture reality (and not just someone else’s). Are they tricks at all?

    However, yes, I wonder what the tricks of life are, too. — Love? Love is just part of it. I dared to look further. Until I stopped looking.
    Once you look through and you see clearly what is going on, you see what was hidden behind or underneath. You don’t see what there was. You see something new.

  • @ Party Bare:

    Come take my hand, you should know me, I’ve always been in your mind
    You know I will be kind, I’ll be guiding you
    Building your dream has to start now, there’s no other road to take
    You won’t make a mistake, I’ll be guiding you…

    You have to believe we are magic, nothin’ can stand in our way
    You have to believe we are magic, don’t let your aim ever stray
    And if all your hopes survive, destiny will arrive
    I’ll bring all your dreams alive, for you
    I’ll bring all your dreams alive, for you

    From where I stand you are home free, the planets align so rare
    There’s promise in the air, and I’m guiding you
    Through every turn I’ll be near you, I’ll come anytime you call
    I’ll catch you when you fall, I’ll be guiding you

  • My breasts bleed with envy

    I’m looking through the
    pane.
    You are in
    the hallway, not alone
    I can smell her perfume
    from here
    Are you drunk on
    it?
    Have you driven on
    it?

    There are laws for a
    reason. I see the law
    like a book on fire:
    its words mean nothing
    but their heat lives on
    until you pour a bucket
    of tears on it.

    My tears.

    My breasts are bleeding
    with envy but you
    don’t care. I tried
    telling you this
    but my texts are
    always deleted,
    purged and censored
    and given a shine

    I should always smile for you.

  • @ Party Bare:

    A million lights are dancing
    And there you are, a shooting star
    An everlasting world and you’re here with me
    Eternally

  • Chris

    It’s a deep draft and stockpiling picks makes sense, but the Ravens could have addressed a serious need with Wilson.
    Here are the picks they gathered:

    2 11(43)from Miami through Denver
    2 25(57)
    3 6(70)from Seattle through Philadelphia and Denver
    4 16(114)from Denver
    5 25(156)
    5 26(157)from Arizona
    6 25(194)