2010 NFL Mock Draft, TLC Style
2. DETROIT LIONS – Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska: The Lions make their SECOND defensive first round pick in a decade…A DECADE. If Detroit didn’t have the Red Wings and Faygo brand soft drinks, I’d feel really sorry for them.
3. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS – Gerald McCoy, DT, Oklahoma: These first four picks fall so naturally as far as neat solutions to messy problems that’s it’s tough to see them going any other way…
4. WASHINGTON REDSKINS – Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State:…unless, of course, one of those teams is the Redskins. If they don’t Snyder this up, the pick will be Okung. Whether Redskins fans know it or not, the Skins clipped the Eagles’ wings and brought parity to the division with the McNabb acquisition. And it only makes sense to protect your antiques with a big fat insurance policy. If the situation presents itself, I’d trade down with the Bills who move up for Clausen allowing the Skins to collect picks to further bolster the O-line. (Possible Daniel Snyder wackiness: Jimmy Clausen or Eric Berry.)
5. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS – Eric Berry, S, Tennessee: I believe the hype, but I’m sick of the Ed Reed comparisons. Great safeties play on great defenses, because a safety is only as good as the rest of the defense. Ed Reed wouldn’t be Ed Reed without his supporting cast. Eric Berry will be a great player on a bad defense. The funny thing is, Ed Reed MADE this pick happen. He helped foster this new myth that you can build a defense around a safety. This myth will cause the Chiefs to take Berry here and sadly his talents will wither and die back there in a KC defense that has much more pressing needs than safety.
6. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS – Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame: Jimmy Clausen will have a better pro-career than Sam Bradford. I can abso-fucking-lutely guarantee that because I have abso-fucking-lutely no reputation to risk. Thankfully for Seattle, the seemingly endless Hassel-blech (tip of the hat to Mad) era ends here. Whitehurst isn’t the answer either and they know this.
7. CLEVELAND BROWNS – Trent Williams, OT, Oklahoma: Williams over Bulaga simply because Williams will be more comfy playing on the right side opposite Joe Thomas. He’ll join Alex Mack on an O-line will contain 3 1st round picks.
8. OAKLAND RAIDERS – Bryan Bulaga, OT, Iowa: This seems way too pragmatic for an Al Davis pick, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt for some reason. It would be more characteristic if they traded this pick for Roethlisberger. With which the Steelers would choose Dez Bryant despite the ancient Greek man-boy relationship with Deion Sanders that got him suspended by the classically anti -NAMBLA prudes at the NCAA
9. BUFFALO BILLS – Bruce Campbell, OT, Maryland: Bruce “Ash” Campbell will protect Jason Campbell and give him the security he never had in DC. I’m gonna go ahead and predict that’s where the Skins ship him. If they don’t overpay, it would be a great move for the Bills.
10. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS – Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee: Jags do the smart thing and wait for Tebow in the 2nd round. He’ll be there and will be rescued and over-paid as a glorified mascot for a floundering franchise.
11. DENVER BRONCOS - Dez Bryant, WR, Oklahoma State: Exit actual character issues in Brandon Marshall, enter media trumped-up character issues that will provide Orton a big, talented WR to over-throw.
12. MIAMI DOLPHINS – Rolando McClain, ILB, Alabama: Miami is a few players away from making the AFCE a thunderdome of SB contenders (Buffalo aside). With a smart, defense-heavy draft they will become scary.
13. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS – Joe Haden, CB, Florida: The best CB in the draft drops in the Niners’ lap. No chance Haden gets past 13.
14. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS – CJ Spiller, RB, Clemson: Spiller AND Clausen?! The 2010 season suddenly becomes at least interesting for Seattle.
15. NEW YORK GIANTS – Brandon Graham, DE/OLB, Michigan: The Giants defense looked very un-Giants defense-like last year. It needs a big Band-Aid brand adhesive strip in the form of this active, versatile playmaker.
16. TENNESSEE TITANS – Maurkice Pouncey, C, Florida: Exit 8x Pro Bowler, Cobra Kai leg-sweeper and unfrozen caveman locker-room lawyer Kevin Mawae, enter this guy.
17. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS – Earl Thomas, S, Texas: Niners add another solid piece to the secondary and become contenders in the now (with the departure of Kurt Warner) wacky, wonderful, wide-open NFC West.
18. PITTSBURGH STEELERS – Demaryius Thomas, WR, Georgia Tech: Santonio Holmes goes to NY for a 5th round pick in an act of transubstantiation by Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum. Instead of replacing him with fellow smurf Golden Tate, they get a rangy, big play threat in Thomas.
19. ATLANTA FALCONS – Derrick Morgan, DE, Georgia Tech: Nice bookend to aging never-was, John Abraham. If he didn’t declare early, he’d be a top 10 pick next year.
20. HOUSTON TEXANS – Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State: Texans go BPA here giving the Texans a Ghidorah-like backfield with Slaton and Moats.
21. CINCINNATI BENGALS – Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, South Florida: Bengals roll the dice on a boom or bust pass-rusher. A very enigmatic/Bengali pick since they should be going with TE Jermaine Gresham.
22. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS – Jermaine Gresham, TE, Oklahoma: Total package TE who is already better than Ben Watson and Chris Baker smushed together. It’s annoying that a player this solid and risk-free falls to the Patriots.
23. GREEN BAY PACKERS – Sergio Kindle, DE/OLB, Texas: His various driving mishaps causes him to slip past the Pats to the Packers who also run a 3-4 scheme which is tailored to Kindle’s talents.
24. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES – Mike Iupati, OG, Idaho: These 24th and 25th picks could flip depending on what the Eagles do. Philly needs a CB but they also need a line to help the running game take some heat off of new scapegoat, QB Kevin Kolb. Iupati would provide that help.
25. BALTIMORE RAVENS – Kyle Wilson, CB, Boise State: CB is a glaring need for the Ravens and has been for a while. Inexplicably, they haven’t attempted to address CB through the draft since 2006 with Derrick Martin in the 6th rd. Enter yet another 1st rd NJ native, Kyle Wilson; a solid man-coverage CB who will only get better with time and coaching. And unlike Joe Flacco (who makes Pizza Hut less appealing, if that’s even possible), Wilson might be able to step in and provide a real boost to local marketing in the vein of Ray Rice (Carbiz) and Terrell Suggs (Pricebusters). I’m thinking being a cornerback ties in well with “coverage” which could possibly lead him to Bill’s Carpet Fair, Next Day Floor or possibly (long shot) Empire Today.
26. ARIZONA CARDINALS – Jerry Hughes, DE/OLB, TCU: Not all the bells and whistles scouts go crazy over, but Jerry Hughes likes to play football. He’s a diligent worker and team player who is faster on the field than he was at Pro Day workouts. He may turn out to have the most instant impact of all the many DE/OLB hybrids in the draft.
27. DALLAS COWBOYS – Anthony Davis, OT, Rutgers: The draft class has OTs aplenty, five of which could go in the first round. With Flozell Adams getting on in years, the Cowboys take which ever of those tackles is left. Davis may slip because he has some fitness issue. OT Charles Brown of USC could be another option here.
28. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS – Jahvid Best, RB, California: A very poor man’s LT who had the ability in college to beat LBs to the outside, but that dog won’t hunt in the NFL, monsignor. The fact that he’s got injury issues might also cause him to slide. Best is more of a shiny accessory for a loaded team. Pragmatically, the Chargers look for RB Jonathan Dwyer in the 2nd, but with the loss of a marquee tailback, they need to sell jerseys so SD bites at Best.
29. NEW YORK JETS – Linval Joseph, NT/DE, East Carolina: With the arrival of Santonio Holmes, the Jets can ignore Golden Tate. With the departure of Marques Douglas they go need here and make what some might consider a reach with a player who can fill Douglas’ spot as an end or be groomed to take over for the venerable Kris Jenkins at NT. Possibly Jarred Odrick here but the Jets go with Joseph because of his versatility.
30. MINNESOTA VIKINGS – Everson Griffen, DE, USC: Project player who has the ability but hasn’t shown the consistent will to use it. Got into some dumb college kid trouble at school but, in addition to that, seems to lack motivation. One season wonder who could be a nice gamble for a team with no glaring holes.
31. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS – Jared Odrick, DT, Penn State: Perfect fit for a team that only gets more dangerous with this selection.
32. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS – Carlos Dunlap, DE, Florida: His DUI and some question concerning his motivation causes him to fall. If they Saints can shape him up, this is a huge bargain.