The Loss Column — Baltimore Sports Blog and Community

I have no idea what this means, but here’s how it went:

For some reason I was hanging out at this weird hotel/restaurant/airport hybrid place — a kind of all-purpose building that existed to serve travel-related needs. There was a large conveyor belt running right through the middle of it that carried miscellaneous items from point A to point B. Mostly it was luggage, but often it was tools (drills, jigsaws, etc — mostly Black & Decker).

There was a man assigned to a post near this conveyor belt, and his job was to place a swath of tape on any exposed sharp points or edges that came by on the belt. Meaning, he’d tape up the end of the drill, the blade of the saw, and whatever else might be perceived as a hazard.

Well, for some reason he had abandonded his post and I decided that, in the interest of safety, I’d go ahead and start taping up the edges for him. It was more complicated than you’d think, but eventually I got the hang of it. I found myself thinking “you know what, I could get used to work like this.”

After awhile the belt slowed down and I started talking to my girlfriend. Then all of a sudden, Roger Federer’s tennis rackets came through. They weren’t in bags or labeled or anything, just sitting there on the belt. I knew they were his because they were the same model you can buy at Target — the one with his website address on it (Chris has one).

I got real stoked and went over and tentatively picked one up. I thought about stealing it, but really I just wanted to see what it was like (it was real light). Then I look up into the lobby of the building and Roger is standing there with Andy Roddick and some chick. My girlfriend says “you have to go get his autograph!”

Before I can decide on the wisdom of that approach, he sees me and comes outside (Roddick and the chick bailed out). I’m like “Wow, man, it’s great to meet you. I’m a big fan of…”

He says “Yeah, whatever. What’re you doing with my racket?”

I say “Oh, I wasn’t going to steal it, I just wanted to…”

He takes the racket and says “Those rackets were paid for.”

I woke up wondering if they were the same rackets he used in his comeback win over Feliciano Lopez last night, which I watched and which sets up a quarterfinal match against the aforementioned Andy Roddick.

And what did he mean by “those rackets were paid for?”

Jay Payton just left today’s Orioles-Twins game with an injury that happened somewhere between second and third base. No word yet on exactly what it was or how serious it might be. Let’s hope it’s nothing.

Freddie Bynum pinch-ran, and was promptly picked off third base.

update: looks like it could be worse.

I waited a little long to get to this week’s Inquest, but I figure that’s OK. We have a blank weekend after all.

As far as last week’s games, there’s nothing I can add here that hasn’t already been said. You watched ‘em. You know how incredible that Colts comeback was, and you know that the Saints had a great year and look set up to contend for several more to come.

Colts-Bears should be a good game, no?

My pick is the Colts, for what it’s worth (read: not much). Their defense is peaking at the right time, and I think they’ll manage to score enough to win. That doesn’t exactly qualify as trenchant analysis, but sometimes the obvious answer is also the correct one. I’d like to see the Bears win, but I don’t see it going down like that. Not this year.

The real news this week came on the coaching front. Let’s take them one by one.

Bill Parcells turned his back on “America’s Team”, and in doing so closed the book (hopefully) on an uninspiring career. How’s that, you say?

Imagine it’s 2017, and you’re looking back on football in the ’90s and early ’00s. How will you see him? Yes he won two Super Bowls with the Giants (XXI, XXV), but will he really be remembered for that? For my part, I’ll remember him as the guy that dicked around with the Jets and Patriots before taking the Cowboys all the way from terrible to not so bad. I’ll remember him as the guy who talked large game but never managed to show loyalty or see things through. He’s never done anything to impress me, and in fact I’d argue that his woeful inability to wrangle Terrell Owens speaks volumes. I can’t argue that he’s a terrible coach, but the word “overrated” comes to mind.

The Raiders, meanwhile, have officially moved into “I really feel bad for the guys on that team” territory. Orioles fans frustrated with Angelos can at least be thankful that Al Davis is out there to remind us that there are, in fact, worse owners.

Lane fucking Kiffin?? Just…wow.

If you want a young coach, you go the route the Steelers went with Mike Tomlin, which looks to be a great hire. Watching him command the room at his introductory press conference was incredibly impressive. If a coach’s job 1A is to lead, this guy looks like he can do it. Look for him to be next year’s Mangini, and for both of those guys to have long and successful careers.

I’m about to upgrade this site to the latest version of WordPress, and I’m a bit nervous about that. It’ll probably be fine, but if you stop by and things look odd then that’s why.

That was easy.

(note: this week’s NFL Inquest comes in three parts. Picks for next weekend are on their way later in the week.)

I was originally going to give each of the four games its own post, but I quickly realized that I don’t have that much to say about the NFC. Both games were all kinds of entertaining, and there are a handful of truly compelling stories, but I’m not exactly out on a limb in thinking that the NFC Championship Game is probably just a ticket to get stomped in Miami.

So, let’s forget the big picture and roll with quick hits:

– I wonder what it’ll take for people to get off Rex Grossman’s back? Nobody’s going to mistake him for Steve Young, but he’s far from terrible. At 21-38 with 282 yards, one TD and one pick (not his fault, though he also lost a fumble), he outperformed the likes of Steve McNair and Peyton Manning, and he stacks up favorably with every other QB in action this weekend. That’s enough, no?

– Speaking of QBs, the question on the minds of Philly fans has to be whether or not they believe — really believe — that Donovan McNabb would have gotten them as far this year as Jeff Garcia did. I’m not sure myself, but you’ve got to wonder.

– Their game was pretty free from controversy, but I’d give better-than-even odds that Seahawks fans are bitching about the officiating. Somehow.

– Reggie Bush is coming of age on the biggest stage there is, and it’s a sight to see. That cat is a monster, and there’s no reason to think that the Saints won’t be good for several years to come, regardless of what happens to them this year.

Technical difficulties abound…my internet connection is sporadic at best right now, and it hasn’t been on enough for me to get anything done around here. It’ll be a small miracle if it stays live long enough for this post to go through.

I can’t tell you how much I loathe Comcast. Essentially, there’s a problem that’s affecting both my connection and those of several of my neighbors, but there aren’t enough of us for Comcast to consider it important. I’ve spent a total of 2+ hours on the phone with them over the past few days. I’ll spare you the gruesome details except to say that they are, in fact, quite gruesome.

More content will appear soon, I promise, but it might take until Monday.

I owe you a whole heap of Hot (Stove) Action, and my plan was to lay it at your feet last night while I watched the Steelers-Browns game and sipped a heady brew of hot apple cider and Jack Daniel’s (try it sometime — trust me). But alas, it was not to be. First the digital cable went out, then the internet service followed suit. I ended up listening to the game on the radio while I spent over an hour on the phone with various less-than-helpful (though in one case quite friendly, to be fair) “account executives”.

Assuming that things don’t go south again this evening — which is by no means a certainty — I’ll have new content up to give you something to chew on over the weekend.

Break Out the Henny and Swishers
That gentleman to the left is Wolfgang Schneider, or as I like to call him, The Schneid. And somehow, the Oakland Raiders have found a way to stop riding him.

The Loss Column joins you in mourning the loss of a history-making 0-16 campaign.

Dude, the Super Bowl’s Totally Coming Out of the NFC East
Reality intervenes to strike down — with great vengeance and furious anger — those who would attempt to claim in August that they know what will happen in January. But there’s good news, which is that we may finally be reaching the end of the Bill Piniella Parcells era. How long has it been since he won a game that mattered?

Oh, right: ten years.

Will They Ever Learn?
If you’re not keeping score at home, the tally is: Curses the Rest of the World Knows and Fears: 3, Super Bowl Team Star Players: 0.

I don’t pretend to understand the complex voodoo that renders soup and video game pitchmen particularly susceptible to serious injury, I just know it’s real.

Smart Money? Not on the Colts
In much the same way that the Ravens are an unimpressive 4-2, the Colts are an unimpressive 6-0. And I don’t want to hear this homer sports radio crap about how you beat who you beat, the record’s the record, and so on and etc. Listen, jackasses, it does matter who you play and how you play them. That’s because when playoff time comes your flaws will be exposed, and if your team got that far with cheap and/or lucky and/or ugly wins then they might just be in for a world of shit.

In other words, the Colts aren’t winning the Super Bowl this year. Again.